Modern Dating: How Much Should it Cost?

The following post is by MPFJ staff writer, Catherine Alford. Cat is a freelance personal finance writer who blogs at www.BudgetBlonde.com. 

I know I am a “boring” married person, but I have several good friends who are still living it up with the single life. They always have the most interesting dating stories and mishaps, and time after time, I’m so surprised at how much dating has changed in the past 10 years.

First and foremost, I was really surprised to learn about the high cost of online dating websites. Did you know that some of them can cost in excess of $50 a month for a membership? Many of my friends have membership at multiple dating sites just to get the full spectrum and access to the biggest amount of people. Some of them have found their spouses this way. Some of them have found really strange people who touched their hair awkwardly for two hours straight. It really just depends, and more often than not, they have stories of dating gone wrong than dating gone right.

Who pays?

One of the biggest complaints I’ve received from my friends is that many of the people they date disagree on who should pay for meals. Many women I know were disappointed because they were expecting the man to pay for a meal and they didn’t. I’ve also had male friends of mine be disappointed because they tried to be polite and old fashioned and pay for a meal, only to be greeted with a date who refused their generosity.

This is a complicated topic and one that I’ve written about many times before. I said it then and I’ll say it now: I’m really glad that I stopped the dating game 10 years ago when I met my husband. I’m just way too introverted to deal with the awkward back and forth that seems to happen every time the bill comes for a meal. If it were me trying to date now, I’d probably spaz out and ask to meet at Starbucks and try to get there early to buy my own coffee. See, it’s a good thing I got married when I did! I’m so bizarre with this type of thing!

Does it need to go in a budget?

I have a really awesome male friend who is trying to meet someone right now online. He goes on about 2-3 dates every month and always does it big. He’s so sweet and generous and typically spends $100 on his dates because he chooses nice restaurants or does dinner and a movie. If you think about it, that can run him about $300 a month! Sometimes he goes on second dates and sometimes he doesn’t, but he’s really old fashioned and always puts his best foot forward.

I’ve tried to tell him that maybe he should start off small with a coffee date, but he always aims to impress. At that rate, though, he needs to make dating a part of his budget. Regardless of how much money you make, $300+ a month on nice dinners out is a pretty significant number, and it’s something that needs to be carefully thought out and planned for. Otherwise, if you haven’t met “The One” in 6 months, you would have spent close to $2,000 trying. At that amount, online dating becomes more of an expensive hobby than a way to meet the right person.

Is it an investment?

Online dating really is so interesting. Don’t you wish you would have thought to start a dating website a few years ago? The marketing really is flawless. Is there really a price you can put on getting the opportunity to meet your one true love?

It makes sense why my friend spends so much money every month trying to meet someone. He has the idea that if he stops now, “The One” could have been the next woman he took out to dinner. So, he keeps trying month after month and the online dating websites keep providing new women in his area that share the same interests as he does.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I met my husband on Facebook, so I definitely believe that you can marry someone you met online. The big difference in my story, though, is that Facebook is free! It didn’t cost me a dime to meet my husband. However, if I had met him on an online dating website, would I have considered the expensive monthly fee the best investment I’ve ever made? Maybe so.

Ultimately, one could argue that there is no limit to the amount modern dating should cost if you meet the right person in the end. However, I would urge anyone who is dating online to take a step back and really think about the cost. Are there other ways you can meet someone that are free? Is it taking over your life or is it just a casual thing you check from time to time?

These are all interesting things to think about and of course, we welcome your opinion on this in the comment section below! So, how much do you or did you used to generally spend on dates?

***Photo courtesy of https://www.flickr.com/photos/stevendepolo/3354726208/