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The following post is by MPFJ staff writer Travis. Travis is a customer blogger forย CareOne Debt Relief Services, and also appears weekly atย Enemy of Debt.ย Travis candidly shares his personal journey to pay off $109,000 of credit card debt and the tips he’s learned along the way. As a father and husband, he provides a unique perspective on balancing debt, finances, and family.
Imagine finding the person of your dreams.ย You swoon at the very thought of them, and over time, fall madly in love with them.ย The relationship progresses and builds up to a very special event.ย There is romance, a question, and talk of forever.
Except there’s just one catch:
There will be no wedding until you are out of debt.
That’s the situation of a person that commented on a post of mine on another website earlier this week.ย She had apparently accumulated some debt during college, and her fiancee didn’t think he should have to pay for her spending indiscretions.ย She stated that my post had encouraged her to do something about her debt.
For the groom to be, her debt was a deal breaker for a life of wedded bliss.
I couldn’t help but wonder to myself, how I would I feel about marriage if my significant other came with the baggage of debt and I did not?
The Meaning of Marriage
Marriage is two people with separate lives joining together.ย You accept your partner for their strengths and their weaknesses.ย You will promise to love them for better or worse, in sickness and in health.ย If a person decides to marry someone with debt, you are accepting them, and everything that comes with them.ย It would be wise to know exactly what you’re getting into before you make that commitment.
Debt Is (can be) a Temporary Situation
A person can find themselves in debt for many reasons.ย They could have student loan debt from an education that they are actively using to make a better life for themselves.ย They could have medical debt from a situation that was no fault of their own.ย Or, they could have racked up credit card debt over years of bad decisions.ย However the debt was accumulated, it can be eliminated a variety of ways including cutting spending, increasing income, or
debt relief programs.ย ย The fact is, debt is simply a number, and we need to dig deeper to make an educated decision.
Overspending is a Behavior
Someone that doesn’t handle their finances well may overspend and find themselves in debt as a result.ย They may not have admitted that they are headed towards financial disaster, and have no desire to change their habits.ย I would be concerned if the person I was proposing to fell into this category.ย ย Finances are the number one reason that couples argue, and this would be starting off a life together with the potential for an immediate and constant strain on the relationship.
On the other hand, the love of my life may have accumulated debt by any of the means mentioned above, but now has a clear plan to get rid of that debt.ย They could be actively working towards achieving that goal.ย This kind of situation would not be a deal breaker for me.
Conclusion:
For me, debt alone wouldn’t be a deal breaker for marriage.ย I would have to look past the number and look at the what the other person’s attitude and actions are in regards to that debt, and their finances in general.ย The most important thing to me would be a healthy attitude towards handling finances, and working to living within our means.ย As long as we have the same viewpoint on how to handle our finances from that point on, the debt wouldn’t matter.
How about you all?ย Would debt be a deal breaker for marriage for you?
Share your experiences by commenting below!
Jacob’s Thoughts – I think I am in the same camp of belief as you on this one Travis. Someone merely having debt would not be a deal breaker for me, provided that they are doing their best to pay it off and have or are correcting any spending behavior problems that may have lead to it. Of course, if they still had the spending behavior problem in the first place, I likely would not have been attracted to them during the dating stages anyway…
***Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
